I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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