I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
