Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
