UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
