I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
