i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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