so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
