exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
