Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
