i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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