It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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