In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
