I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
