last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
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btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
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I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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