This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
