so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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