i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
