I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
