I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
