Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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