i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
