oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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