he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
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Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
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I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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