My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
