how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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