I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
