just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I can't put those talents on a resume
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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