Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
