She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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