Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
