drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
