If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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