quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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