a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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