Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
it's like iHOP with fire
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
