xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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