are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
