No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
