I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize