Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
