he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
