I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
