my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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