HIV tests are more positive than that guy
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
