I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
