I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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