$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Michael Bay diarrhea
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
