i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
