Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
