went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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