Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
