I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
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i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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