Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
