Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
