we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
