Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
