jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i think my tv is drunk
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
