So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
