i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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