May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
