either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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