I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
