PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
