I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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